six.

Today, i saw my Bean. :)
i refuse to call it our "new baby" because that would make Ryder our "old baby" and that isn't true at all. Ryder will always be my baby, with a bond that no one can break since it was just the two of us from the start. <3
i can admit, i was really nervous about finding a heartbeat. but sure enough, right as i had my fingers crossed, we heard the soft thump thump of a little babies heartbeat. it was slower than Ryders and when we saw the baby, he/she wasn't as wiggly. must be a more relaxed calm baby, for now! i looked over at my son, who was sitting in his daddy's lap and he smiled. melted my heart. i now get the joy of loving two babies, more than anything in this world.
Ryder got to see hims baby brudder or sisser, and got to see hims daddy for lunch, so he was a happy boy. and hims got to eat lots of fishies too! after getting blood drawn for the genetic testing and going to the MCX, i came home, fed Ry lunch and put him down for a nap.
i was really upset yesterday because i really want a new, good, expensive Nikon for my birthday. when i brought it up to Mike, there wasn't a discussion. i get really discouraged because if i was back in Indiana, i would be making my own money and can save for what i want, instead of being told no on the big things. $20 for a few books isn't a big deal to him, but a $400 camera, that costs less than his motorcycle jacket and helmet he got, really hurt. i hate not working or having any income but out here, in the middle of nowhere, it's kind of difficult. it gets so tiring being the only responsible one, wanting to save, and feeling good when i put cash in our pickle jar. but before we buy our house, that money will more than likely be spent on the new baby things we need. it's just a constant sadness. but then again, that's life and i just hope it all works out when it needs to.
my mom knew i was upset. she's sending me birthday money. i've been talking about a Keurig for months, so she told me to buy it using her money and she would send me some K cups for it. well, after the little fight with Mike about this camera last night, i called her upset telling her i was just going to save the money and sell things until i got the camera. when i called her today she told me that i can get both things i wanted, but the camera would have to wait. she is going to put in half the money for it, and Mike will cover the other half for my birthday, and i will be getting my camera, as well as my Keurig. pictures to me are the most amazing thing, and memories that you can never get back. my mom wants to help me make my memories with my beautiful babies. i'm glad she understands. and Mike told me he was going to get me my camera with the tax refund. i just wish he could have said that last night and not hurt my feelings so much!

also, the doctor called to tell me that my nose, is a viral disease. he thinks that it is caused my stress, or sun. i don't think it's the sun, seeing as i rarely go outside. but the blisters, do look like sun blisters. he is going to switch my medicine. and i guess i will try to stay away from stress? lol. everyone keeps saying to get a second opinion and honestly, i don't have the energy! i was at Naval last Monday and Thursday, today, and tomorrow for Ryman's shots. i'm exhausted and i want to sit on my butt all day and play with my kiddo. either way, it doesn't hurt anyone, it isn't contagious and it doesn't make me sick. it just makes the middle of my face the center of attention, it looks nasty, and it just... gross. haha. so for now, i just wait.

i was really impressed with Mike tonight. he came home when i was laying down but couldn't nap and snuggled with me. we were all just playing with Ryder and the lights went out. i heard Indy jumping on the gate but not barking meaning that Mollie got out. so i grabbed my phone and called her in the house. when she went running past me i saw this white mark on her face. i freaked out thinking one of the boys attacked her. but she scraped her face on the brick getting out of the patio. it was kind of scry, but i guess she's just too little to hang with the boys. so now my chocolate weenie girl, has a white spot about her eye, poor thing. but he was beginning to annoy me during the outage. he was playing music i hate and Ryder was losing his mind, crawling around shaking his head back and forth because he doesn't like the dark. but after the lights came back on, and us eating in the dark, all three of us, Mike gave him a bath. he told me he was tired but i told him that the bottles and dishes needed to be done. so he rocked the baby to sleep, gave him a bottle, and washed the bottles and the dishes that didn't fit into the dishwasher while i chatted with my mom about books like we always do. i picked up Ry's toys and vaccumed and it felt good to be able to go to bed knowing the downstairs is picked up. and even though he was tired, i'm glad he helped me. now, i really, really need to find the time to clean this bedroom for him, haha.

things seem to be looking up around here. i know there will still be a lot of ups and downs, but because he is handling things better, so am i. so we are growing. and being more of a team and adults. it's still going to take a lot of time, and i honestly don't think it will be where we need it to be, or want it to be, until things get settled outside of the Marine Corps. and most days lately, i know that we can make it until then. :)

-ks.