fifty eight.

whyyyy can i not escape it?!

mike and i have been married for 2 years at the end of this month. yay!

yet i still can't escape the drama and people trying to creep into our lives. 

mikes little sister just texted him to remind him that it's ryan's brothers 5 year death anniversary. no idea why he died, more than likely alcohol or drugs.

but mike hasn't talked to ryan in like, a year. why would it even matter now? it didn't last year, it won't this year. not to mention, it's after midnight. mike sleeps, we have a child, uhm hello!? i'm sorry youre up drinking at 2am with no life, and hanging out with all your brothers old friends, must you involve my husband?!

whats even weirder and more annoying is that Sable, yes, as in sexting Sable, tried adding me on facebook last night. i just stared at the screen like, really? so i messaged her and asked her to please stop trying to add me, i'm just going to deny it, she has no right in my life, my husbands life, or know anything about my children.

so she texts me.

she apologizes for the incident and she "can't believe she was texting MY mike, and not the guy she was meaning to." lies! and she hopes things are better between us despite of it. i told her yes, yes sable, things are perfectly fine between my husband and i. that something so immature as that couldn't tear us apart and we're happy with out family now. she said she was happy for us, yadda yadda. why?! this shit happened almost 2 years ago and i haven't talked to her since. why do these people constantly bring me up, try to contact me, and can't just leave us alone? why do you seem to think a text apology makes it go away, just because mike and i are good now. i can forgive him, you, never. i will still punch you in the freaking face if i ever see you again. "sorry i texted the wrong guy my raunchy nastiness while you were in indiana" doesn't really cut it for me, sorry. she seems to think we're fine now, because she called me tonight. it's a saturday, my husband is home, we have a family, we have lives. we were out for a walk and i just ignored it and texted her later to see what she wanted. "oh, just to chat, i'm driving so i thought we could catch up."... it's almost 8 o clock at night and i have a toddler and a husband. i don't like you, i want to run you over with my moms conversion van, don't call me. 

seriously.

it's like, i move across the country with my husband, go through a deployment, we have almost two babies together, and they still won't leave us alone. mike hasn't talked to any one of those guys in, as i said, close to a year, minus the one night we got into that big fight and he texted jon and ryan, but after that realized what an idiot that made him out to be and hasn't talked to them since. i don't understand why they can't just move on.

i hate when tiffany posts shit about "missing the old days" with her brother, skating, drinking and partying. first, it makes me mad because she copied his life. half the things she's into, mike started. i love that we're out here and he can have his own life and things to do without a stupid little girl following him around everywhere, screwing his friends. i now see why my brother got so irritated when i would try to do things like this. tiffany and mike have the same age difference as kevin and i. and i was nowhere near this bad. not one thing mike had, that tiffany didn't do. it's just gross. i hate seeing pictures of the Mike before me, because he doesn't exist anymore, or seeing her taking pictures in his old room or seeing old pictures with his old car that is now in a junkyard. 

it makes me most angry that that is the mike they remember, thats the mike they will always keep in their minds, instead of realizing hey, he's happily married now with a son and a daughter. that maybe he isn't that wreckless crazy motorcycle rider anymore, that maybe he would rather stay up late with his son that doesn't want to go to sleep and watch a baby einstein video with, and get up early with him to dance to the hot dog dance on mickey mouse clubhouse, rather than stay up half the night partying and drinking, and sleeping half the day away. they will never see this amazing man that i live with everyday. being a committed full time dad means more than anything in this world. more than drinking and having fun, fucking random girls, getting hammered and throwing up because of it. and not one of them will ever see that. it's sick, extremely sick.

and i am glad we have him to ourselves for the next year and a half. 

the man i met almost three years ago couldn't tell you who he wanted to be in life. he told me he didn't know if he wanted to get married, or ever become a father. he had a one tracked mind on skateboarding, street racing, being a kid and having fun. every friday night in the summer he would go up to Doty to street race and run from the cops, saturday nights consisted of multiple kinds of alcohol. early mornings were used for hessville and coffee, then off to the skatepark. at that time, he didn't have a job, and he didn't want to go back to school, had no idea what career he wanted. he wasted money on booze and going out to eat and he lived in his moms basement. he had a total of about 5 different shirts. all he cared about was having fun with his friends, even if they werent always there for him, or bashed his new girlfriend. he never stood up for anything, not even me.

Mike has changed so, so much. and i can not think about how far he still has yet to go anymore, because his changes in three years have been so great. he's a complete family man. instead of talking about wanting a new motorcycle or new car, he talks about what life he wants for the kids. friday nights consists of throwing pillow and blankets on the floor and rolling around with his toddler, bath times, night time bottles and rocking him to sleep. saturday mornings hold cartoons that he knows all the lyrics of the theme songs to. instead of drinking all night, he crawls into bed with his wife and holds onto her tight. he still skates, just not as often. he still rides but not nearly as wrecklessly. he still drinks but only beer. he doesn't want to waste any more time of his life, not paying attention or enjoying every moment with his son, and soon to be daughter. i wish everyone could see him the way that i do, and i wish someone else could even be half as proud of him as i am, and i know the kids will be too. when asked who has changed his life the most, he looks at me, and smiles. because we all know it. they might see it that i changed his life, controlled him, everything in a negative manner, but his opinion matters most. and they need to realize how positively i have changed him. despite our fighting or me "controlling" him, i did what needed to be down. what someone should have done with him a long time ago, to steer him in the right direction. i stood along side him through thick and thin and i am not going anywhere, ever. 

i use to worry about moving back to indiana. and mike slipping up, falling back into old habits, arguing with him on him going to doty, or out to a bar to drink, or me staying at home with the kids all saturday so he can go skate and be a kid again. but i no longer worry about any of that. he answers all my questions exactly how i would hope he would. when i ask him if he plans to be friends with them again he said more than likely not. that there isn't trust there anymore. when i ask, on whos end, he said both. but mostly his. he can't trust them to be good influences on the kids, or be there for all of us if we need it. he can't trust them drinking in front of his toddlers. that yes, when we move back he still plans to drink, but have a few friends over for a barbeque or something, nothing at all like it use to be. that he will always keep his head and his heart with his family at all times, and put us first. and it's so wonderful to hear. after so long of wondering and worrying and wanting to walk away from it all, everything is falling into place as it should be. i couldn't be more thankful to have such an amazing man that has gone through so many changes for his family, and made things be where they need to be. i love every little piece of him for it. and i love getting to know this new man i live with, since he is so different than the one that i met over Myspace, lol! we're a team, we stick together, hand in hand, all four of us. now, and forever. <3

-ks.