fifty four.

so, my mother in law.
haha, i'm sure people are wondering how the visit is going. i get a lot of messages about it, so, i'll update on that first.
honestly, it isn't nearly as bad as i had thought. she's beyond annoying, i hear the same things over and over and she complains about a lot of things. but being a mom, i learned to tune those things out and ignore them, haha. she's been respectful of my home. she bought her own Keurig cups because she drinks a lot of coffee, she washed the dinner dishes and bottles after i cooked tonight, and when we need an extra set of hands, she does help. it's a lot more relaxed this time because Tiffany isn't here, my husband isn't leaving, and so far, my daughter is still my daughter. i still think 8 days is too long, but it's somewhat nice. i thought it was going to turn out really bad by now. i had told Mike to tell her not to get an air mattress because there was no room and he didn't, so she walked in carrying one and i got extremely mad.  it was so dumb but i cried when she blew it up the second night, i just felt like it was a slap in the face and Mike had ignored what i wanted. but, Monique came to the rescue again and when we were talking about it, she told me that when Steven walked up the first day she got here, he heard Mike telling her we didn't have room for it. she blew it up Saturday night but by the time i woke up she had already deflated it for Ryder's party, and did so again this morning. as much as it bothered me, i got over it quickly when, in the past, i wouldn't have. i did think she was completely inappropriate at parts of Ryder's party because she was talking to Colbert about sex and how her ex husband wasn't good at it. and Colbert and Steven were texting back and forth about it and when Monique and i went for a walk she let me know. i told Mike later and he agreed that she needs to leave his friends alone and he already has to worry about Tiffany, he shouldnt his mom as well. she just doesn't seem to understand that she is Mike's mother, not his friend, and she was trying too hard to fit in. but i guess that's just who she is. other than that it has gone fairly smooth. she seems to know her place more now. like today at the doctors office, she went into the room for Ryders checkup and i didn't mind. she knew i was already upset over the dumb shots, so in the shot room, she just like Mike and i handle it. when we took Ryder swimming for the first time yesterday she let him and i play with Ryder until she took a turn holding him in the water. she bought him a cool dump truck toy and paid for the Aquarium, and takes turns holding him every so often. she hasn't changed him or bathed him at all, but maybe that's just who she is. she's lacking a certain little thing so she just doesn't do it? i guess. haha. it's still awkward, but we're making sure we do our own things and keeping up with our normalties and she's following along.

i can't really tell if she has changed, or if it's just me and my changes. i know i handle things a lot better now. and with her being here, i look at my husband different. other than her first night here, he hasn't acted any different at all. i adore him, so much. seeing him and his mom together makes me realize what a better life Ryder and i have given him. how much better of a life he has now than he use to. i know that she is jealous of what we have, we can both see it. she looks at us with those eyes when we hug or kiss or lay on the couch. and it's kind of a nice feeling. even if she doesn't like me, she seems to respect us as a family now. it's nice to hear her talk to Ryder and call me mommy to him. she's never really acknowledged me as Mike's wife, but she has acknowledged me as Ryder's mommy, and that means a lot. though it sort of feels like it did with Tiffany, how she acts around Mike. she smacked his butt earlier in the kitchen and kind of gave me a funny feeling, but she is his son and i will probably pinch Ryders butt cheeks until he's back in diapers. i don't really think her and i will be closer after this visit but i know that our little family sure will be. it's amazing how one person can invade our home for 8 days, and it isn't even over yet and i see my husband completely different, once again. i see how much he has changed, and i think she does too. everything about him. and she can go back to Indiana and tell everyone what a good man he is, how happy our marriage is, and all about the wonderful little boy we are raising together. she's just trying to find her place in this world with an almost 25 year old, married son with a family of his own, and a 21 year old hell child going nowhere at this point in time. she's empty nested, she's missing the most important thing in her son's life. Monique pointed out that every time i brought out my camera, she grabbed hers as well. or whatever i did to Ryder, she copied. she's just trying to fit in. and she will, as one of his grandmas, but i think she wants to be part of the 4 of us. she still wants more than we're willing to give her. regardless, i have fallen more in love with my little family more this week than i have in a long time. i'm so proud of Mike.

Ryder, loves swimming. we took him to the splash pad on base and open swim at the tank. he had a little life jacket on that made him so chunky, he had so much fun with his dad and by the end was kicking his arms and legs trying to swim. my little water baby, just like Daddy and i thought he would be. today we took him to his 12 month baby checkup. he weighs 19.5 lbs and is 30 inches long. moving up his charts from the last time we saw the doctor. no more weight problems but still a skinny butt. Mommy didn't like the shots, i cried, it was terrible. but i like when Mike is there, i don't have to be brave all the time. it's nice to have a team mate to help with things like that. i held my baby afterwards and he just laid against me. but was perfectly fine when we got home like it never even happened. he's always a little trooper. he clung to Daddy today and played like a big boy and went to bed without a fuss. here i was listening to people and thinking today was going to be horrible and it was just fine.

tonight though, Mike was actually there for me. he really hasn't been when i needed him to be for multiple reasons. every time i get sick he isn't here, or is asleep like when we all had the flu. but tonight was really nice. i walked upstairs and all of a sudden felt really sick, like i was going to vomit. my heart was racing and i just waited for it but nothing happened. i went to get ready for bed and i started shaking uncontrollably. i got the chills, my teeth were chattering, everything. i was trying to breathe and calm down when mike comes upstairs and asks whats wrong. i told him, he saw me shaking and he plopped me in the tub and opened the toilet, just in case. he ran warm water and took my sponge and started spreading the water over my body and breathing with me so i would stay calm. he rubbed my back and my belly and told me i was alright, that this would pass. and, it did. but it was nice him staying in there with me keeping me calm. i was really scared. it happened so suddenly and at random. i laid in bed with him and he entangles his feet with mine so when i got out of bed it would wake him up and he could be there for me. it was really nice. Mike and i rarely have moments like that with each other. other than my mom, no one has ever taken care of me, at all. so it makes me feel better about labor and the recovery. he really is wonderful, and i'm glad he helped me through tonight. i told him if it happened again, we would call labor and delivery. Lyvia is moving around just fine, so i shouldn't worry much. i just need some rest. he thought it was an anxiety attack at first but then we decided it was just something i ate that didn't digest well and couldn't decide what it wanted to do in my stomach. so far, i'm perfectly fine now, i just need some sleep.

so, there you have it. this past week i have learned a lot about my little family and started to appreciate my husband more. i am so lucky to have him as mine. even thought sometimes he messes up, i know he helps out a lot more than most dads. we are lucky enough to give Ryder two happy parents that love him so much, clothes for his body, and toys to play with, a roof over his head and food in his belly. i know not a lot of people have that. especially the being an amazing husband and dad part. and i am glad that i can show his mom how happy he is and what a great man he has become. and show her what a family is, since she never really had one for her children. we have shown her how much we have both changed, and i hope she learns something from this too. and i'm glad it's not nearly as stressful as last time. but we all agree that it was Tiffany that made things tough.

tonight with my little man asleep in the next room, my husband curled up beside me, the love of my own mother, and my daughter in my belly, my life is complete. as it should be, every single day. and it will be next November, when i finally have my mommy back. i see things a lot differently with my mom this week as well, and wish she was here. i can not wait to see her again. :)

off to snuggle with my amazing husband. <3  goodnight.

-ks