forty six.

so overwhelmed.
my positive attitude about my monster in law coming to visit is taking a turn for the worst. trust me, i've really tried. i was already irritated at the fact that she is coming in 3 weeks and she had yet to let us know any flight plans, and hadn't talked to Mike in 2 weeks. if you're coming to stay with us, don't you think you need to coordinate things with us, and talk to us? not to mention the nice email i sent to her went unreplied. well, i made Mike call her this weekend, and she hasn't booked yet. he had to change his leave because he was going to the field, which, made this even MORE stressful. here he was going to be in the field for 5 days, and come back, when his mother was already here. leaving me to clean up the house, get groceries for all of us, AND entertain the broad until he got back. even for a few hours, thats too much to ask! so he's going to be gone all week, come home, and have her here for a week, is that not just a tad too much?! for now, he isn't going, but i doubt that will ease anything in the situation.
tonight she called to say she was going to fly saturday, instead of friday. we thought she meant TO here. Saturday is the day that we are going to the zoo, and i will not let her fuck that up. so, my anger escalated.  this is my sons first birthday weekend, when i want to leave the house, we're leaving. whether you're flying or whatever. this isn't about her, this is about the nice weekend i am planning for my son. thankfully, Mike had my back and said it was up to me, and she couldn't come any earlier because i have a life and make plans with my friends. well, she was meaning leaving. so, she's leaving on saturday, not friday. she's going to be here 8 fucking days. 8 days! after that first weekend, we have no plans. theres nothing to do here. and i don't want to sit there and listen to her bitch for 8 days. then she starts talking about his sister, throwing parties while she's gone and what have you. who cares?! if you're going to sit in my house and worry or moan about it, don't come! seriously. not to mention, she wants to stay in our spare bedroom with an air mattress because our "couches hurt her back" really? really?! our spare bedroom, you can barely open the door. with all Mikes gear and the baby things, yes, that we will get to when we have time. no, you can not stay in there. so Mike said she could put it in the living room. is she going to deflate it every morning?! i know how big those things are and i do not need that taking up my entire living room, when i've made this house into a home. so, it falls on me to, not only clean the house top to bottom, take care of a child, get things ready for someone i can't stand to be around, now i have to bust my balls to get that room in order so that fat cow isn't in my living room for EIGHT DAYS! how lovely, right? as if, once again, i don't have enough of my plate.
i asked Mike why she was talking about Tiffany and he asked why the hell i cared. i blew up then and told him i was done. i already don't like any of this and here he is, being a complete dick about it. this is my house, and my rules. i'm not ready, nor so i have time or energy to dig through our spare bedroom. she doesn't get what she wants, when do i ever?! she either stays in a fucking hotel, or sleeps on my couch. this isn't a vacation honey, you're here to meet my son. and if i have it my way, i won't be home with him too much. i'm going to carry on my normal life while she's here and her and her son can chill while my son and i do what we normally do, especially going to lunch and hanging out with Monique. i refuse to let Mike have Ryder alone with that woman, i already have to remind him enough to change his diaper while i'm around since he doesn't do it automatically, and he already disregards my parenting skills enough. i'm not dumb.  and he's my child and during a normal day, he goes everywhere with me, that won't change, at all.
i shouldnt have to be this stressed out to have a visitor, even if it is someone that i don't like. when my parents came they came, to see me and my son and to help me out. they drove everywhere, they paid for groceries, my mom and i stayed up late to clean up the house, and to drink wine coolers and goof off. we had things to talk about. we had heart to hearts, even my dad and i. they were here completely for me. my dad didn't complain about traffic, or plane tickets, or anything else that Trish already has. they were perfectly fine with sleeping on my couches, they let me take naps if i needed it, they helped with Ryder. it was a little break from life for me. and this, this is already hell and i don't see it getting much better. and now i'm starting to feel like Mike isn't even on my side with what i want. i already told him, before all this, what i say, goes. and when i told him that she needs to stay in a hotel, he told me no. really? so i told him, i will make that week hell if i have to, or he can enjoy a lot of alone time with his mom. i have places i can go, things i can do, and stay overnight. if i dont feel like being here, i won't be and neither will my son. and i won't be keeping my mouth shut. last time i was so upset and hurt that i hid in my bedroom for 3 days. i won't be doing that anymore. you better believe giving birth on my own and raising a baby alone for six months gave me some fucking balls. i can't wait until she tries to bring up Mikes old friends. there is going to be hell in the Nelson household. its just so infuriated that i'm feeling this way, right about the same time as my sons first birthday. i shouldnt have to feel this way. again.

and yesterday was such a good day for us too. it just isn't fair, i wish she didn't even exist. and i have tried so hard to just get over it. and now i feel like Mike is slipping from my grip on all of this too. and i will remove my son and myself from this situation so it's not a repeat of last year. i just want this over with, but this will really show how strong our marriage is and how far we have come. so after she leaves, i get to make an even bigger decision for the kids and i. he knew we hated one another when we got married, so if that was going to be an issue he shouldnt have married be, or started a family with me. she ought to know her place with my husband, she wasnt even told we were getting married, she wasnt even invited to our wedding. come on now. you better watch your step lady!

i guess i can't complain too much yet, i dont know how it will all go down. maybe she grew a brain, and maybe he grew some balls. i can only hope! but until then i'm not doing everything myself. and i will have multiple backup plans, and i wont be sitting around doing nothing all week. and i wont make plans with her either, this is Mikes doing. i wouldnt expect him to do everything for my parents visit. so i'm going to sit on my ass, and try not to give a fuck that it's my house and it isn't the way i want it to be. i know where i stand and this is my home and no one will take that away from me. i don't care who you are. i just want to crawl into a hole with my little boy and shelter him for as long as i can. i have my fingers crossed that i wont be doing this on my own. why does she have to suck so incredibly, extremely bad? and i hope Mike can see this even more when she comes and just never want anything to do with her again.

breathe kimmy, breathe. it's one week, and you won't have to deal with her for another year and a half. i can do this, i got this. i have the reigns, i have the baby, i make the rules. no more give and take, when nothing is given back. i can do this. i hope.

-ks