forty five.

so very many little things.

to be thankful for in life. i wish that people took a step back and realize how amazing life is, and how much you're missing. i, of course, am one of those from time to time. but this weekend, i know that i am lucky. and always will be.

this weekend, my little boy took his very first real steps. he has been toddling all over the house ever since. he takes quite a few steps at a time and realizes he isn't getting where he wants to go fast enough and gets down to bear crawl. and he walked straight into my arms this morning and it was the most beautiful feeling in this world. my little bear is growing up, to be such a wonderful little boy. watching him play every day is the best thing i could be doing with my life. he loves to play with his busy balls, and is so interested in what is inside. he likes to put things, into other things. a few times mike has found a bottle or a binky in his shoe or boot, and he likes to put wrappers into Mike's cover. just a little piece of his baby to take with him to work. he is starting to climb, onto everything! whether it be a box or a suitcase, or trying to scale our TV stand, he even climbed up onto the couch the other day by himself. it's amazing what a little less than a years time can do for one small little boy. he babbles, ALL the time. i really think that he is going to be one of those little kids where, unless you're around him a lot, and know who he is, that you won't ever understand his secret language. i love when he wakes up and just starts talking, telling me all about his dreams and sleep. or crawls over to me to tell me something, then just walks away. he's a really busy baby, always curious about the little things. he is learning to play with his toys now. he has a cow toy from his Mimi with different animal pictures and you press it and it has the animal name and sounds, and i am constantly hearing it yell, "rooster!"from his play area. he presses the buttons with one little finger now, and now just slams his hands onto it. which, he still does my laptop, haha. for his birthday i got him an animal laptop that can teach him numbers and shapes and animals. i showed it to him to see if he liked it and he was sitting there pressing the different buttons. i swear he is way too advanced for toys his age. i show him half the toys for his age and he doesn't like them. they're boring to him, and i think it's adorable! he loves his stuffed animals, especially his Scout dog. he carries that thing around and gives him "lubbins" when he finds him in his pile of toys. he's also very.. different. lol. when i tell him he can bring one toy bye bye, he usually grabs his booger sucker, that if you get close to his nose, he will scream, or a pair of baby nail clippers, that he fights you so hard over, it's like world war 3. he will be satisfied if you give him your keys though, which is always a good thing in case of an emergency. he's starting to get a little attitude. when you tell him "no", he will stick out his lip and give you his little eyes, and just stare at you. it's seriously the cutest little thing, i can't get over it. it kills me every time! and he listens to mommy over daddy. when we give him a bath and he tries to stand up, i sternly tell him to sit on his bottom and he does. when Mike says it, he just smiles at Mike, and doesn't. it's adorable. but he sure loves his dad and already tries to mimick him. Mike went in the corner of the couch and crouched down, trying to hide and Ryder goes up to him and sticks himself in the corner too. a lot of the noises Mike makes, Ryder gives them right back. and whenever Mike puts his hat on, Ryder wants to wear it too. he has the worlds biggest personality and the brightest little smile. he's always so happy. he sleeps through the night and takes naps still during the day, which gives me time to rest. he is so independent and plays by himself in his play corner for hours, just examining everything that he has. and then brings me a toy to play with and crawls away. he's a little stink butt and i honestly have no idea how i ever lived without him. he's amazing.

i am thankful for my husband and how far we have come. and his testicles for giving me my two beautiful babies. and always being on my side in life, finally. i am so glad that we went through, all that we went through, if it means getting us right here, right now. and all our ups and downs, i still can not imagine life without him, ever. not even for a day, for a moment more than he is at work. and i am so happy that he is here with us now. and even if we do fight, i would take fighting with him, over not being with him, any day of the week. he's an amazing man, husband, and daddy. especially a daddy, and that makes me fall in love with him even more, all the time.

i am so glad that my mom and i are close, through all this distance. even if she gets on my nerves and we butt heads often, she loves me. she's still my best friend, and i know that i can tell her anything at all. i like that, even if she doesn't want us to, she's going to be there for us with our big move, and provide us a place to stay for a little while, all of us. and i know that she whole heartedly loves my children. she cares about them more than i will ever imagine anyone else doing in all their lives. even if she doesn't think the timing was right for me, she loves them so, so much. and it isn't because she buys them things like my mother in law seems to think, it's because she actually cares to ask how they are doing. she's always there for me to lean on and i know that i am me, because of her. and i have my children, because of her. 

i am thankful for Monique and Steven for being there for us, always. i dont think she knows how much i appreciate our little lunches or Walmart runs. i am glad i know who my real friends are and they are always there for me.

i am so happy i have the ability to breathe. and speak, and see, and hear. i love words and can not live without them. i have no idea what i would do if i couldnt stare at my beautiful baby every day. or see him smile, or hear him giggle. i am so happy to be alive, every day of my life. and now, i'm going to fall asleep happy, knowing i get to wake up in the morning and have even one more precious day with my little baby. and tomorrow, is going to be another beautiful day. <3

-ks.