forty.

ahahahahaha, okay!
after being so down about the time line shit, i got to ready all my statuses from when Mike and i started dating. first, so much has changed. second, i'm even more crazy about that little butthead than i use to be. and boy was i was cheesy little fuck. so, i do apologize to everyone that was around at that time. but i was happy, thats what mattered. there was only a handful of unhappy statuses before out big blow up break up dealio. i seriously put "i love you mikey" at like the end of every one of them. i can't remember the last time i called him that! and i seriously had a countdown of weeks until he was out of boot camp. how lame! and it's hilarious to think i had no idea what anything in the marine corps was, and thought i was cool because i was dating a Private... seriously? Corporal Nelson sounds so much better now! i had no idea what Pendleton or the MCRD was, let alone this butt fuck egypt town of Twentynine. i thought it was sexy when he wore his dog tags and said OORAH. now i'm like, "dude, take those off and shut the hell up." i cried when he went to MCT for the amount of time he now goes to Viper. where i kiss him goodbye and spend the next 5 weeks not shaving my legs and vegging out on the couch like it ain't no big thing. i thought Boot was the hardest thing in my life. yet i soared through Deployment just fine. it's just so weird. those dating days were just, so funny when i look back on them. 
i love the reminder of how happy we were. i mean, deep down i know we always have been. we have just been fogged by problems and drama. lots and lots of too much drama.  but i love seeing how much we grew up together, and as individuals and how much drama and bullshit we got through together. yeah it hurt and sucked at the time but look at the beauty it created in the end? look at how i got exactly what i wanted and dreamed of since i met him, because i fought for him all that time. even though there were bad times, they weren't that bad. but coming from the situation i had just gotten out of, it seemed like the end of the world back then. he has always treated me with respect, he has had many cute moments. i like how i kept posting that i loved his heart. and i always have. he sucks with emotions. i said, a few weeks after dating that, "he can't express shit unless it's in sound effects." which was so absolutely true! but it also made me realize that i can not remember the last time he actually talked in sound effects. or even said meow, seriously!
throughout our whole big break up... thing. whatever youd call it. all my posts were still, happy. normal. i didn't hate my life. i didn't bash him. i didnt give up. not once. i couldnt accept that things were done between us. neither did he, apparently he said some pretty strong words that i can no longer remember. but something in him gave me hope that this wasn't the end of us. that we were broken, only a little.  "life isn't about the road or your worn out sneakers. it's about the bumps, cracks, and the hills that make it steeper. this isn't about chasing after what you wanted or thought you knew. it's about finding all the pieces and starting anew."  is what i wrote during that time. and its nothing more than the truth. it hurt me, a lot. but i wasn't about to give up on him. i always told him, "don't give up one of the greatest things that could ever happen to you just because you're a little unsure of who you are." and i had to remind him of that all week. that's all it was. a bump in our path. the first big one, and not our last. i'm nowhere near a religious person but i kept telling myself to keep my faith, through the pain. and i did. within myself and within Michael as well. i knew he loved me, still. and always would. i believed his words over anyone's. he was still always mine. <3


i think this is enough lovey dovey gushy blogging for one post. it's also 3am and i'm exhausted and my nose will not stop running. guess i'll fall asleep next to my husband. whom i love so much more right now. :)


-ks.