thirty eight.

just a jumble of words.
i haven't posted in awhile and i have a few things on my mind.
first of all, every passing fucking day, i hate the god damn marine corps more and more, and everything that it involves and stands for. i guess my first complaint is housing. which, i shouldnt complain about because it really is saving our butts at the moment, but they seriously suck.
a few weeks ago i notice our air conditioner not working. this was shortly after the guy fixed our heat. when i called them about it they came in for about 10 minutes and told me it wasn't ever going to work because of the dog pee on it, they wouldn't replace it. this was a week ago, i'm livid. i haven't called back because i have been sick and don't have the energy or want to argue with people right now. the entire air process has pissed me off since day one. it took over 2 months for the entire installation, and during those times, they never came when they were suppose to so my dogs were locked up when they shouldnt have had to be. they seriously get like a 20 by 20 fucking patio square, and now they block even more space due to the air conditioner. of course my dog is going to piss on it, he doesn't have anywhere else to! and all around this area there are signs saying dogs are prohibited, AND they took down the dog park. fucking seriously people!? so you're not going to replace a piece of equipment when you knew there were dogs on the patio, and didn't block it off. am i suppose to stare at my dog and yell at him to not pee on it every damn day?! if the air conditioner won't work after a dog pisses on it, BLOCK THE MOTHERFUCKING THING OFF! it's now, 80 degrees in my house, when i'm sick and have coughing fits when i get overheated. liiiike, now! and my poor son is now coughing as well. i'm not dealing with this shit again this summer. along with the ant infestations. so, looks like they will be moving us, themselves, or fixing our freaking problems. god damn.
another thing is, i'm sick of this fucking unit. but then again, that isn't anything new. mike comes home exhausted every day because they run him around so much because he's one of the only ones that does his job. he has 4 different billets and he's a mentor. and i can't remember the last time they worked on a fucking truck. not to mention almost the entire platoon is a bunch of drunk fucking single Marines with no lives. and it's turning my husband into a complete asshole. god, i swear i want to punch this fucker in the head. last night there was a power outage in twentynine. everytime this happens, our service tower goes out. first, that isn't our fucking problem, or fault. i guess when they wake up, they all have to text each other, like little fucking kids, to let whoever know that they're alive. can you not wait a half fucking hour or so until people show up at work?! it's seriously so fucking dumb and childish. well this morning since our service was down, Mike couldn't text anyone. he had some class at seven and had the shop keys. he was responsible last night and talked to someone to hand them off to this morning. he had his job taken care of. and yet, since he didn't text so and so and yaywho, he gets bitched at for it. i just read a text that said, "i'm going to fucking light your ass on fire when i hear from you." for god fucking sakes! seriously, my husband is 24 god damned years old. he shouldnt have to text someone in the morning before he goes to work. i guess even Monique was saying that if even one person doesn't text whoever, it fucks everything up. is this piece of shit unit THAT unorganized?! i think it's fucking dumb. and i can not wait to get out of this world. as much as i'm going to miss this place, i'm NOT going to miss anything else about the shitty ass marine corps. disrespectful pieces of shit.

well, end vent there. other than that, things are fine. haha.

i have been sick all week. and i know that i am lucky to not get sick often but when i do, it kicks my butt. but Ryder has been wonderful. he crawls over to check on mommy, and brings me a toy. and gives kisses, even sometimes their owie kisses. and i am so glad to have a child well behaved enough to let me relax when i need to. and last night Mike took Ryder to the commissary and walmart so i could relax and rest without a baby and noise. that, was really nice. even though i got lonely really fast haha. but i got to soak in my tub and get in a small nap. it's nice, once in awhile.

the other night, i accidentally dyed my hair blonde. don't ask. it was horrid. i refuse to post a photo. but, at least i can die knowing i won't ever look good blonde. seriously, after i took the cap off, i had Britney Spears songs stuck in my head. i had to call Monique over so she could see it before Mike did. and bless his heart, trying to tip toe around my feelings and make it not sound as awful as it was. finally i got him to admit that it looked like shit, and that was the funniest part. i knew it did, i didn't cry. i just laughed and refused to go anywhere. thank goodness i had some extra dye stashed away. never, ever again am i experimenting. i know the color i want and i'll go to a salon next time. for now, i'm back to being a brunette and i like it that way.

Ryder got his first owie the other night. :(  i blame both myself and his monkey-ness. and as much as it made me sad, i know it is far from the last time, and far from the worst time. he was jumping on the couch next to Monique and was trying to reach a soda can on the bookshelf and slipped on the blankets i had put on the arm of the couch and slipped off. thankfully, the porn elephant was there to break his fall. he bruised his eye and hurt hims chin a little bit. but he was a trooper and stopped crying after a few minutes and forgot it even happened. poor Mo felt so bad about it, thinking it was her fault. but when you have a little curious monkey like we do, it was bound to happen sooner or later. that poor girl, my kid has pooped on, puked on, peed on, and now fallen on her. at least i know she will be more than enough prepared for her own baby here soon!
her and Steven watched him tonight while Mike and i went to see The Vow.
i have got to admit, it was the most awkward thing, being without the baby. he held my hand while walking. we havent done that in like, over a year ahahahahaha. he even opened my car door for me, saying he missed doing it but he's always carrying Ryder and i'm in the car before he can get around to it. well, yeah. i'm not one to stand by a closed door waiting for someone to open it, lmao. but it was really nice. the movie wasn't as good as i expected. usually i cry at sappy love movies but the only thing that really got me was the line her mother told her. it made so much sense, and made me realize a lot.

she said, "i chose to stay with him for the hundred of things he had done right, instead of leaving him for the one thing he did wrong."
when i look back on Mike and i's relationship and marriage, i know that, at least right now, the good and the bad might be even. or even more so, the bad outweighs the good. he has done more than enough to last a lifetime of hurt for me. i am almost at the point of forgiveness. but i know that i have learned to let things go. but the amazing small things he has done, have meant more to me than the hurt. even if, all last year, they were few and far between. such small things. like him taking Ryder to run an errand, picking up a random craving, making me coffee before he went to work. and him always, always telling me he loves me in the morning before leaving. the emails and letters he wrote me during Boot Camp and Deployment, the smiles he has put on my face. i know now, that those things are so very much more important than the tears. every man i have ever been with has hurt me, or left me. i know how all that feels. but it's the little things Mike has done to me and for me, that i haven't felt before. and those things are what makes all the difference.

and after feeling like teenagers again, we went to walmart and bought adult things. such as dishwasher soap packets, kaboom foamtastic bathroom cleaner, annnnnnd ant raid. lmao. not going to lie about my excitement with the foamtastic. and pretty stoked to deep clean my house before monster in law gets here. if i ever get the chance to. i really, really hate messes lately. and thats all my house seems to be. i hate searching for half an hour for the one thing i want. and it's not even that i misplace things. it's usually my son finding it, in its place, and crawling off with it. which, is pretty cute.

well, time to enjoy my bubble bath.
i can not take a bath without bubbles, or a sponge. and yes i have backup for both.
and right now, i have been sitting in the tub. it's where i blog best. :)
love you all!

-ks.