eleven.

this weekend has been wonderful. :)
yesterday was the first full day in my twenty third year.
i woke up to Mike and Ryder bringing me coffee made in my new Keurig.
Ryder smiled at me and i noticed... his first toof popped through!! his bottom left tooth, is all pointy and sharp. my nine month old is growing up! so, Mike sang happy birthday "toof" you, from Ryder.
after Ry went down for a short nap, we showered and he gave me a massage with baby lotion, i almost fell asleep. it was sooo nice. the only thing this pregnancy has affected already is my back. he said that my back is swollen like it was with Ryder, and it hurts a lot. so it was really relaxing.
when Ryder woke up, we headed out to San Diego. the only thing i wanted to do was book hunt, and see the beach. so, we fought over the radio for the two hours before i fell asleep. every time we go on a road trip i always picture us, three dogs, and the kiddos traveling to Indiana, and i can honestly say i can't wait to get there, and NEVER do that again. lmao.

i'm really excited to get back to Indiana. though i always said, when we left it, we were never going back. but now that i grew up and had to put my kiddos safety, stability, and needs in front of my own, i'm really excited. knowing that i can see my mom when i want to, i can go see Grace and Drew play sports, or watch band concerts. knowing i can go to lunch with Aleda and Khloie, or get coffee with Amber and Logan. knowing that i have people i trust to watch my babies while Mike and i spend an evening in Chicago. knowing that i have somewhere to go, to call home. knowing my mom is less than an hour away, instead of 2,100 miles away. that i can be there in a heartbeat if something happens. it makes me stronger. something to live for. and i can honestly say, i look at our pickle jar with so much more adoration now. now that we have a plan. i am going to do all that i can for my little family. give the kids the life, house, and happiness that they deserve.

anyway, when we get to San Diego, Ryder wants a snack. as we're driving i am trying to reach behind me, up and over his carseat, to hand it to him. i kept poking him in his eye and nose, and he was yelling at me, haha. i wanted to eat somewhere random and new, so driving around, we see King Kebob, and so, we stopped. talk about random. but it was good, and we just joked around the whole time. then, we went to the beach. mike was bummed because he wanted to take me there to watch the sunset. but i was disappointed at not being able to find my camera so he told me we would just come back when i got my good one. but, it was beautiful. we found the coast, and just drove. we rolled the windows down and just listened to the waves. we parked and got out by cliffs and caves, the waves crashing against the rocks, the San Diego lights behind it it, watching airplanes take off. just standing there, smelling the ocean, watching and listening to the waves and airplanes, holding my beautiful son. it was the best feeling in the world. that was all i wanted, and i stared at my husband, who put his arm around me and kissed me. and in that moment, everything was mine. we drove around and gazed at the ridiculous houses, with tvs the size of walls, windows all made of glass, with a grand piano sitting behind it. it was nice to just sit and laugh, and drive. all the while, our son babbling behind us, joining the conversation.

the best gift, however. was checking facebook and seeing that my childhood friend, Maritsa, finally had her baby girl. Melanie came into this world on my birthday. and i am so, so proud of Mari! she is absolutely beautiful. and i can not wait until i get to hold her! it's so weird, where life takes you. Mari and i were in middle school band together and ran track. my brother helped her in running. we both went to Hobart until she went to Puerto Rico for a year and transferred to Merrillville after. she moved here in December and i loved hanging out with her. after my little rough time, she was still there for me. her husband and Mike get along and he really seemed to fit in when we spent Christmas Eve with them. Mari is just an amazing person, and i couldn't be happier that her daughter has finally arrived. she texted me a picture this morning and told me she was sorry she missed my birthday. i had to laugh, she's always so nice, like family. but i told her the best thing that could have happened yesterday was her giving the world her beautiful daughter.

today was also, awesome. i love that my husband supports my book addiction, and we went book hunting since we didn't get to yesterday. well really, he drove and held Ryder while i looked, but he was a good sport. we got starbucks on the gift card i got, and they messed up his order, so we got three large ones, for the price of two. i hit the jackpot at two of them and i now have the two places that i will go for books around here. i ended up getting 17 books for $15. so much better than Amazon! every time i get a new book, i just feel amazing. knowing soon i'll be trapped in the words of a story. a lot of books remind me of my mom, who, thankfully, also has my obsession. she's sending me a box full. i can't wait. i have a notebook with all the book titles i have, as my "reading list" and i will talley up all i have read at the end of the year. people ask me when i find time to read. well, i'm constantly tired. i take naps when my kiddo does, and when everyone goes to bed is my time. sometimes i stay up until 3 am just reading knowing i have to get up in a few hours with my son. but, i never neglect him for my books. he will always come first. and one day i hope my babies like to read as much as mommy and mimi does. :)

i have really high hopes for the next year in my life. there are a lot of things i want to change. and things i want different. but today, and yesterday, and every day, i am going to be happy that i have made to to this point in my life. be thankful for my husband, for all he has done, and not the things he still needs to work on. that i have been blessed with an absolutely perfect little baby boy, with one toof, and can stand on his own when he feels brave. and i will be blessed once again at the end of july when my second baby comes into this world. that i am the youngest daughter of my mother, and that she has shared so much of life with me. that i am my fathers daughter. that i have wonderful people in my life. to lean on, laugh with, a shoulder to lean onto and cry. that, no matter where i go, or what i do. i will always be my childrens hero. and that's all i want to be.

here, is to turning twenty three. <3

-ks.