twenty one.

gah, what a good weekend.
due to the holiday, even though we don't like the president, mike had a 72. it was nice having him back for three days after being in the field. and i have to admit, the feeling in my stomach when i saw hi when i picked him up, and the giddiness of our son when his Daddy returned, melted my heart. even though he was wearing under roos when he got home, and made him look like a twelve year old.
we went out to Target, to get out of 29 on Saturday. for my birthday, Mike wanted to get me the pregnancy pillow, since that was our running joke with Ryder in my belly and i use just lay on him. but, i couldn't bring myself to have us spent $55 on a freakin pillow. so, he bought me a big bookshelf instead, and a new book. which, was cheaper than a stinkin pillow. it was a really nice gesture though. and since we had a little extra money from state tax, we bought things we needed for Ry and next baby too. we stocked up more on wipes and baby lotion, shampoo, and bubble bath. as of right now, that's all i will allow us to buy until we find out the gender. we also got him TWELVE month jammies because he's growing like a weed. it makes me sad to see my little bear growing up. but he is such an awesome kiddo!
and then we made a trip to goodwill. foooor, BOOKS!
i have learned to love car rides with Mike. maybe it's the closeness of him being right next to me, knowing whatever i say he can't just walk away from me. and we always talk about our future. it never ceases to amaze me when we do. i look back and i am in total awe at how far we have come. and how, ever since our son was born and he came back, i don't think about the past, hardly at all. i look to our future. where we want to live and what color house we want. who we want our kids to be. all our hopes and wants and dreams. and it's so incredibly nice to hear Mike talk all about it too, and not involving cars or bikes or friends and parts of his "old life" i was so worried when he left for Deployment. how he talked about wanting this, or that, and not appreciating what he already has. every so often he does that, but not nearly as much. and he seems so much happier these last few weeks. i finally get to hear my husband laugh. its the most beautiful noise. we have had so, so many problems that i can't remember the time we really, really just laughed together. and that's been happening a lot more now. it makes me so happy, and gives me a lot of hope of the years to come. finally, finally, i think we're headed in the right direction.
all weekend, he really helped me out. he cleaned what i asked him to, and he finally baby proofed the kitchen which i wanted him to do during post deployment leave. he gave me my "me" time to sit and relax, took care of the dogs and played with Ryder. i sent him to the grocery store with the baby, alone. for the first time in our married life. he has never gone alone. and i was really proud of him with what all he came back with. it's stupid little things like that, that show me how much he has grown up. it's truly, amazing. he didn't understand my excitement about him doing it on his own. but it helped me out a lot! and it gave him some daddy son time.

now, speaking of our amazing son! Ryder is on the go! he is dangerously close to walking. he walks with his toy and pushes it around the house. he stands on his own a lot more now. and his two adorable front bottom teeth are popping through more! and, the other night he got his very own big boy bed!! i got a bed that all together must have cost about $160 originally, for $20 on yardsales. in great condition. when Mike brought it home, Ryder was so excited. he showed a lot of interest in it and it made me smile. obviously, we're keeping him in his crib for awhile longer, but the fact that he got excited over it, was a big deal! we have been practicing walking with him and last night Mike told me he took 3 steps. now, i was upstairs putting his clothes away so, i didn't see. so of course, i don't believe it. haha. but he was pushing his walking toy all over the house. he just needs to build a little bit more confidence and he has it. my big brave boy. <3

today, felt good. i love days that turn out to be productive. i know i should have more, but i have gotten lazy. haha. i picked up Monique and we went to the post office to mail my student loan papers that i needed to like, a month ago. by the time i get Mike's things done, get Ryder and the dogs taken care of, even when Mike is home, i always forget to do what i really need to do. but, i finally did it. then we picked up Ryders new Cars toy organizer, and headed to base. i cashed my birthday checks and went to the MCX. i got my VS Lotion, yum! and of course, stretch mark lotion so i don't get any, i hope. and we went to the thrift store on base and went book hunting. we're going to go book hunting out in Yucca another day this week, sadly, i might have converted her into my addiction. which, is getting really, really bad. i have 160 unread books of mine, just random ones, not including the Harlan Cobens and Jodi Picoults and such i haven't read yet. why i decide to write them all down and keep a list in a notebook, i have no clue. i think when i'm able to cross off a book that's been read, i feel like i accomplished something. when it comes to books, i don't know. it's like, a business for me. i find a good book, i read it. unless it's one of my authors, or really, really good, i sell it. for money that i paid for it, for another book. and i'm glad Mike understands. like he said, it's much better than expensive shoes or clothes. i love a good bargain, thats for sure. and when i ask him if we can go book hunting, he never has a problem with it. even if my bookshelves are currently overflowing in our bedroom. it's really nice that he understands, and doesn't have a problem with it. and he's perfectly okay with being married to "the book lady" haha.

i am so excited for life. on Saturday we find out if we have Bentley or Lyvia. yes, i think we have decided to stick with our first baby girl name. honestly, i'm tired of trying to figure one out that we both like, and one that sounds right. and i wanted to have the name picked out when we find out, so we can call the belly that. then we get to start the new process and pick everything out. and get our butts in gear and set up the second bedroom. we were even talking about, when we move and get a different vehicle, getting a mini van! haha, yes i said it. i, of all people, want a mini van. that is such a damn scary thought! but i love it. i love being a mommy and i still want my five little babies! i am glad that things are back to normal with Monique, seriously. it's amazing how everything has just fallen back into place.   i am happy with the new friends i am making out here as well, i just need to find time and energy to hang out with them. i have weeded out the drama, the immaturity, the past. the past, was a big thing for me. i deleted almost everyone i knew back in high school. all the guys i had a thing for, or did things with. the girls that have no need to see my life. my family, most of all. who just sit and watch my life but don't really care about it. it's been, such a wonderful experience. i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. i focus now more on my marriage and our family. and getting to where we want to be in life. i have no worries, or fears, about what the future holds for us any longer.
as long as i have my husband and two beautiful babies, my life is complete. <3

-ks.