fifteen.

people ask me all the time, how i do it.

how i juggle being a wife, a mommy, which, more than half his life i have been a solo parent, juggle three stupid dogs, housework, college courses, and having "me" time.

and i'll tell ya, i go a little crazy sometimes, and i lose a lot of sleep.

but, i can't tell you how lucky i am.

i read so many horrific stories during pregnant. the morning sickness, the constipation, the mood swings, can't sleep, can't hold any food down for months. constant back pain, pressure. then a tough labor, my poor friends are in so much pain that they throw up. :(  the contractions that last for days upon days, the 20 plus hour labors, the hours of pushing. and then, having a colic baby, never wants to sleep, fussy all the time, clingy. i read complaints about not being able to shower, or eat, or sleep. they're going nuts. as the babies grow up, they turn into brats, get into everything, don't listen, screams, what have you. and then, of course there are those husband that don't help with the baby, let alone the housework. i watch these women just, fall apart. all the time. i look at my last pregnancy and a half, my 9 month old, and my husband. and just shake my head. 

both pregnancies, until the baby moved, i didn't even feel pregnant. i never had morning sickness, i never vomited. other than staying up half the night, which was my routine anyway, and mood swings because my husband was an idiot, i didn't feel much at all. Ryder dislodged my rib in my back, and even that stopped being painful in a few weeks. i never got any stretch marks. i had contractions for, a day. the morning before my water broke, i felt them. i wasn't sure what they were. i never had braxton hicks. i lost my mucus plug at 4PM, my water broke at 0130. i walked around my house for another hour because i had no idea what to do. i drove to Ambers, who couldnt find her license, so i drove us to base. while still dripping fluid, while having contractions. i parked by the clinics, and walked my pregnant ass through the quarterdeck, still dripping, mind you, and up to labor and delivery. i did have my epidural early, i wasn't trying to be brave with all of this. i was preparing myself to know how to push when they told me that i was going to have a c section. i'll admit, it kind of tore me apart. no pun intended. but, without Mike there and having my husbands support, i'm kind of glad it ended up that way. other than me losing a lot of blood and refusing a blood transfusion, Ryder and i were perfectly fine. we left the hospital about 36 hours later. 

when i got home, i didn't have time to laze around and recover. i had a new baby to take care of, myself, a dog, and a husband overseas. i couldn't just lay in bed, that wasn't an option. i took the stairs multiple times a day, i lifted my baby, the carseat, 40lbs of dog food. i still went to the grocery store, and WIC appointments, and doctors appointments, not to mention enrolling him into Deers and IPac. i still went to Walmart and sent care packages, and did laundry and the dishes and made sure i ate something. i didn't complain, i healed fine. i didn't baby myself. i was a solo mother, with a baby, i couldn't act like one myself. sure, i was in a lot of pain, but i couldn't take the painkillers because they made me fall asleep. so, they remain in the back of my medicine cabinet.

i was thankful that i didn't have to work. that my husband provided for me and our baby and it was one less thing i had to worry about. i didn't end up losing too much sleep. Ryder has always been a great sleeper. i slept when he did. he slept for three hours at night, woke up for a bottle, and went back to sleep. i think he inherited the want for naps from his mama. :)  so, i was usually well rested. he slept in bed with me until his dad came home. he had followed my bedtime routine, usually falling asleep around 1AM, and sleeping until 07, drinking a bottle, then falling back to sleep. but as soon as Mike came home and we got him a new crib, it was 9 o clock, every night. he adapted with no fuss at all. i had a worse time coping with him being in the next room than he did missing me. and ever since he has been in bed, by 9 o clock, every night. we send him to bed with a bottle and check on him 20 minutes later and he's knocked out with his empty bottle and his lullabies playing. he usually wakes up between 1-2 for a bottle, then goes back down. and wakes up between 7-9, depends on how he feels for the morning. he takes a noonish nap for an hour and a half or so, and then one around 4 until his dad gets home. he gets lunch at 1230, dinner at 630, bath at 815 every other night. he adapts to whatever we put him through. yesterday instead of giving him bottles, i put his formula and juice in sippies, he didn't even notice. basically anything we put in his mouth, he eats. when we started putting shoes on him, he didn't even notice. nothing phases him, he's just so amazing. he doesn't whine, or fuss. he isn't clinging, at all. he plays by himself, by his choice. and comes to me if he wants me to play. he sits by himself and talks, he eats his snacks and watches cartoons. well, usually they're on and i watch them because he's off exploring. he lets me know when he wants a nap, he crawls to the stairs and pats the bottom on,  like saying, "upstairs mommy." he "helps" me in the kitchen when i cook or do dishes. if he's playing in the cabinet, which, when Mike gets back from the field, he WILL be baby proofing, i walk in there, he looks up at me, closes it, and lifts his arms up because he knows i'm going to carry him back to his toys. and off he goes again. he does throw fits when you take something he doesnt want you to. uh hum.. mommys KEYS! which he doesnt need to be playing with, or my phone. or, you don't share your food, that's a big thing for him. haha. but he gets over it in a minute or so. he has TWO bottom teeth now and you really never knew he was teething. the second one must have popped through overnight. he had a cold once, running and stuffy nose, earache, that whole deal. he never fussed or whined about it. just sniffled and tried to breathe. now, getting his boogers and clipping his nails is world war three in the household, but again, he gets over it really fast. people ask me all the time if he's really as happy as he is in photos. and yes, yes he is. and i got so, so lucky. and i hope it stays this way!

now, my husband. ohhh Michael. he's a great guy, really, he is. and when it comes to his kiddo, he's almost the perfect dad. he wakes up in the middle of the night if i'm already asleep, he follows the routines, he knows how to make his lunch and dinner like he's use to. he will get up with him on the weekends and play with him until i wake up. he gives him his baths all the time. he packs the diaper bag if we're going somewhere, and always has a binky in his pocket, and never forgets Ryders favorite blanket for car rides. he gets all the baby WIC, and picks out other foods for him too. now that Ry eats goldfishies, Mike grabs them when we pass them, as well as mac n cheese cups for him. he knows Ryders favorite nigh nigh song, and rocks him when he fusses. whenever he's home i never change any sort of diaper because he's on top of it. he washes bottles once a week for me as well. he doesn't put away Ry's laundry but that's beside the point, lol. he helps out A LOT with Ryder, and i know he will the second baby as well. he knows it gets tiring, day in and day out chasing the baby on top of everything else. sometimes he doesn't understand that hey! take the baby for a walk or something so i can sit for five minutes! but when i tell him to, he does it. and i know a lot of fathers don't do shit.

around the house, he gets lazy. but a lot of times on the weekend he does the dishes while i nap. he does laundry even though, like with the baby clothes, he never folds them and puts them away. he makes sue there is gas in the truck because he knows i hate pumping. he's right there if i run out of toilet paper and yell for him to get me some. or, on sundays when he gets a haircut, he always brings me back subway. he slacks on the dogs a lot and it bothers me when he gets irritated with them after only dealing with them for a few hours. and it bugs me that he goes to bed so early and we dont really get "us" time. but still, i know he helps me out a lot. even if i have to repeat myself over and over from time to time. he's working on talking, being more affectionate, and helping me feel better when things get to me. he has come a really, really long way.

i also have three crazy annoying dogs. i can really only stand the little one. i hate noises when it's my quiet time and Scout always pushes my damn buttons. you would think he would be use to the kennel by now, bad, bad dog. but he just won't learn. well, Indy isn't the worst dog anymore. haha. i still clean up pee spots and poop every so often, they don't drive me AS nuts anymore. but at least twice a week i wonder why i ever did this to myself. haha.

i am also taking online courses for criminal justice. i'll admit, i freakin hate it. not having a class, or hard copies of books, though. ebooks don't cost me a dime so i count my blessings there too. haha. but, i take it seriously. i work hard. i currently have 850 pts out of 1,000. and i'm only missing those 150 because thats what the final is worth and i haven't taken it yet. so, i have gotten 100% on every quiz, progress test, and homework assignment in this class. and i am rather proud of myself for that. with dealing with everything that i deal with every day, and still managing to pull that off, that's a BIG deal. even though i have decided i didn't want to pursue a criminal justice career any longer, and honestly don't see myself having a full career, ever, in my life, and i'm okay with that, i still do it. to say i earned something, and put a lot of time and effort into it all. 

i know i'm lucky. to have such an easy, beautiful pregnancy while almost everyone else i know is struggling to get through weeks and weeks of it. i am lucky now, well, to know when my next baby is going to be here. i am lucky to be able to sleep all night if i wanted to, and have the help of a husband. and have a damn near perfect little boy. while i read posts of sleep deprivation, fussy babies, teething cranky babies, temper tantrums and terrible twos. and when that does happen in my life. i'm just going to laugh it off. because i have had it so easy for so long. people ask if i'm nervous about having two babies so close together and sometimes, i really am! but hen i look at Ryder and how he acts and adapts, i mean the awesome little man shares already, it's amazing! i know that i have a perfect little helper on my hands. and with the way things are going with mike, after all weve been through. ahhh, i am so happy of this road we are on!

yes, i know.

i'm the lucky one. <3