oh, this dreaded post. :sighs:
i have no idea WHY, WHY, WHY.
but i have been thinking a lot about Mike's mom coming out here to visit and meet Ryder.
there isn't a point, its going to be the most annoying few days and i still can not stomach the thought of her ever, ever holding my child.
and i am still extremely pissed off that she would still have the nerve to disrespect me as she did a few days ago with Mike's text.
i guess i'm mainly doing this to shut the fat lady up, and so Mike can show her what a real parent is, and we can show her what a real family is. i hope it makes her realize what she never had.
BUT, there are going to be rules, and they will be followed.
First, she stays in a hotel. this way, i am not over run by anxiety and can keep my sanity. this way, Mike and i can still keep our nightly schedule with Ryder, and have alone time and not have to worry about her being a floor beneath us. in case of a fight, or.. well, more yelling but in a different way.
Second, no Tiffany. this, is really my biggest things. i can get over Trish. she's a cunt, and i will never like her. but, other than being dumb, a shitty parent, and not respecting me, she's decent, some of the time. tiffany went back to indiana last time saying i was punching myself in the stomach to hurt my baby because my daughter turned into my son. we hadn't talked to her in months and even on new years eve, she was talking shit about me at a party. i heard about it. i have struggled and worked too hard for her to come into my home and go back just to slander my name. and, as Heather said, take slutty pictures in my bathroom. lmao. i think that, along with her staying in a hotel, will be a really good improvement to this visit.
and last, she needs to really apologize to me. what she said, about "whether your wife likes it or not" was extremely uncalled for. i am really sick of being the bad guy. i don't piss people off or keep people away from my son for my own health, i do what's right for my children. and neither one of my babies deserve to go through what Mike ever did, or even i did from that woman. if Mike had came home from Deployment and told me he wanted his mom out here, i would have had him call her up to set it up. i hate my mother in law, that will never change. but whatever my husband wants, within reason, he will get. i wish she could open her eyes and realize i do not control him, and that MY decisions, are also his own. he would like her to meet his son and see him as a dad, but clearly it isn't THAT important to him. seeing as this discussion is coming up now, instead of sooner, by my own accord, mind you. and when i told him to call her tonight and talk to her about it he didn't. said he didn't feel like dealing with her, that even talking to her is a struggle. i warned him, i could change my mind and not allow it (we all know how pregnancy thoughts, emotions, and hormones go!) and he just shrugged. saying it wasn't a big deal, i wasn't offending him if i did. it's just... sad. all of this. and those comments are why i don't want her around my children. if her own son barely even cares that she exists, how will my children feel when they know what's going on?
but, despite all things, and pushing my hatred aside, i know Trish would come out to California for the right reasons. to see Ryder and play with him, and enjoy her only son's company. she wants to see him with his child, and see how he acts. which, i know she will be surprised. i, honestly, am not worried about her judging me as a parent or wife, no. not this time. but she also needs to understand that i won't back down, or hold my tongue. and if i tell her to leave, she needs to leave. there will be no discussion.
Mike, oddly, had nothing to say to my rules. he just said okay, agreed, and told me he understands why i feel this way. which, is really nice. i asked him though, if he REALLY understood. i told him, i didn't feel like i was being treated fairly, by her saying whether i like it or not. i make the final decisions with everything, especially when it comes to the kids. this is my home, and i, in no way, should ever feel uncomfortable in it. i have cooked and cleaned and made this place a home, as best as i could, while Mike was gone. i did everything on my own and was there for my husband when he needed someone. i have done everything right, so yes. this is all my decision. i know that if this was more important to him, he would have expressed that when he got home. or he would have taken this chance as soon as i told him about it. but he constantly tells me he doesnt care about anyone but the three of us, that indiana and everyone in it couldnt be farther from his mind. and that makes me feel good, always.
i just want this damn thing over with. before July so we can spend that last month preparing for Lyvia and spending it as just the three of us. she doesnt get to be THAT special and be here for the birth, or meet her first. but, we will see what happens. but i know i won't be no more miss nice mama this time around. i accept this challenge. mwahahahahahahahahahahaha!
-ks.
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